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Out of no where memories emerge…..Feel like a survivor alone on a floating ice cap…..Who to trust..who to tell…most folks could not bear to here the stories I know….and yet I know some of you who know are out there..like me floating on your ice cap trying to survive…..Never forget….wear your pain like the Viking you are..like we all are….

Anonymous Posted on February 7, 2017

My silent hell

Tortured in my head, by the monster that shared my bed.
Echoes of the past, keep me firmly in his grasp.
Paralysed by fear, when I hear those footsteps near
Wrapped up in a blanket of shame, unable to banish the blame.
The shadow that he cast, conceals my sinful past
Confined inside my head, by the words I never said.
Stuck in my silent hell, a voice unable to tell.
So from the world I hide, this pain still raw inside,
And never let them see, the dark consuming me.

Anonymous Posted on February 2, 2016

Most of my life I have felt alone, like I am the only one. And that no one can truly understand. Feeling like you cam never move on, or regain something that has been taken from you. Coming to SIT and meeting the staff who generally understands without judging,and seeing genuine people who willingly gives up their free time to support others has slowly started to restore my faith im humanity.i still have a long way to go and some humongous decisions too make. But I am starting to realise I’m not alone, and i dont have to be alone anymore, and for this I am eternally grateful.

Anonymous Posted on December 16, 2015

Every waking moment I’m consumed by guilt, worthlessness and shame.
The only thing I’ll ever be good at is giving my body away.
I’ll never be seen as a person, just an object to use and abuse.
Isolation doesn’t solve it.
Getting fat doesn’t solve it.
Covering my body doesn’t solve it.

Anonymous Posted on December 3, 2015

Before I came to SIT I thought I had a personality disorder. When talking to other victims I realised that I hadn’t and others felt the same as I had. It was SIT that told me what happened to me when I was young had caused the way I was. They have helped set me free and my confidence is increasing. I am feeling much better about myself thanks to SIT and if I had known about them earlier I would not have suffered this long. Thank you SIT I am now looking forward to the future and being at peace.

Julia Posted on November 13, 2015

I can cope with being abused, no one needs to know? Sound familiar?

If you call coping by pushing the people you love away, with your temper and anger, keeping everything to yourself and not talking about your feelings. Keeping to yourself how dirty, angry, lonely and isolated you are, the fact that you have no self-worth or self-esteem, thoughts you deserve what happened to you, as you have done nothing about the abuse as a child, you realise that as a child you have got through being abused by blocking your thoughts, feelings out of your mind. Doing this you have cut off your emotion and as an adult you realise you have missed out on so many things, you cannot turn your feelings back on as all your childhood memories and thoughts will come back, and you will be the scared little child again,

As you grow up into an adult you keep out of public places, crowds and certainly not be the centre of attention, you are invited out but shy away from going, making excuses until in try end people stop asking. You have children who want to play with you and you do not know how, you worry about what people would say if they knew you were abused as a child, thinking they would think you will end up an abuser, so you keep your children at a distance, and you keep it hidden from everyone, thoughts of ending your life as you won’t be missed.

I would like to tell you, we all have these feelings, you are not alone. Since I have found S.I.T. I found a group of men who have suffered the same as me, had the same thoughts, some who like me thought of ending their life. We have started to realise “Yes” this did happen it will not go away but you learn to deal with it, you work through your anger. You realise what you have been like to that person you love more than anything, and to be honest it is not easy coping wth how you treated them in the past.

The group have become good friends and you could say family with something we all have in common. We survived and we are working on putting our lives back together. It was very hard contacting SIT and walking through the door, but it’s the best thing you could ever do, you’re not judged, you’re thought of as being brave; you need to remember we have all had to walk through that door with the feelings that a newcomer has, but please remember we all want to help. We all want your pain and ours to stop. We all want to start living and knowing we have a good future ahead of us. We are not different or have a label, we survived, and we are strong.

Anonymous Posted on September 23, 2015

SIT’s help, has given me the courage to fight my demons and actually look forward to the future, it’s a long hard road but with my 1:1 help of a wonderful person, I am starting to believe What I am worth,I am loved and am not disgusting and I am starting to believe it was not my fault

Tess Posted on August 5, 2015

ive been going to sit for quite a while now . they do such a good job . i’m a male who was abused by 2 girls when i was very young and it went on for 6/7 years . i was also raped by someone from school who held me down . i have so many problems with female and male friendships . also was bullied all though hihg school . i have no confidence or self belive . people are kind to me and strangers always talk to me but dont no why . why cant i see what people see in me . years of being put down all the time and now im 43 belive im no good . gay men realy scare me . i have one realy special female friend who has stuck by me for over a year and ive put her though so much crap but shes still there . i love her very dearly but nothing will ever happen . one day ill be normal what ever normal is . ive never been in a sexual relationship . seems ill never find someone . i still class my self a virgin but havent even got that as it was taken away from me . one day i realy hope ill find someone as dont want to remember the gils who took away me viginty as the only sexual thing to happen to me . i want them out of my head . like my councilor said theres no magic wand . with the hard work i do at s.i.t i pray all the abuse and bulling will go away one day . being abused by girls is realy hard sometimes as a boy/man your surposed to enjoy that kind of thing . i hate going to my parents as the abuse took place next to there house . some times i just feel like giving up but thats no use to anyone . im now getting the help i need but it seems never ending . i hope one day ill get there as dont want to be a victem any more . ive let all this shit rule my live for to long . like i say one day ill be a normal person .

Anonamous Posted on July 25, 2015

Please note that if you choose to be anonymous we have no way of contacting you. If you feel you need support or wish to discuss anything please email: support@survivorsintransition.co.uk and I will get back in touch asap.

Survivors In Transition Posted on May 13, 2015

Having a real bad time at the moment have had to speak with CID and do a video statement
My sleep is none and my appetite is small every time I close my eyes I’m re-living it all over again
I’m having more emotional days now than I did before I started speaking about it
I’ve kept it locked away for 24 years and when I was recently at the Orwell bridge trying to end it all a policeman got me off and into his car and some how got me to release my demons,
As being fairly new to all this I hope I start feeling better soon.

Mr X Posted on February 28, 2015

I have been in counseling for nine months and I am a regular visitor to the drop in centre. I recently plucked up the courage to tell my parents that my granddad, my mum’s dead father, had abused me when I was a child. They said I was wrong to tell them and that I should have kept it between myself and my counselor. I was told: “How dare you bring unpleasantness into our lives and upset your mother. I wrote them this letter …………………………………… A few more things I’d like to say . . . .
If you spend a lifetime sweeping unpleasant things under the carpet, there comes a time when the hump under the carpet is so huge that it trips you up.
I am very angry at your attitude of refusing to acknowledge unpleasantness, because the world does have unpleasant moments and ignoring them does not make them go away.
This attitude of ‘if you can’t say anything pleasant about someone, don’t say anything’ provides the perfect environment for paedophiles to prey on small children. The child feels like they have no voice and no protection. They feel abandoned, lost and lonely. Children are not resilient. They do not quickly bounce back. These scars from childhood stay with them forever and affect every moment of their life.
Every wonderful, perfect, happy moment of my life – and there have been many – have been shadowed by a black cloud.
As I grew up I was touched indecently or spoken to inappropriately, by a stranger, a boy at school, a youth club leader, a couple of employers, a family friend, and by a string of men I thought were my friends when I was 15. I thought this was normal. I thought every girl grew up with these experiences. I was wrong. It was not normal.
When I was 17 I was groomed into prostitution at a hairdressing salon I worked at. For years I blamed myself. How stupid was I to have allowed this to happen? The strange thing about grooming is that you feel like you have no power to refuse, you have no voice and no choice. I can now acknowledge that I was manipulated and it wasn’t my fault.
I once told mum that I had been groomed into prostitution. It was some years ago and we were having a coffee in Colchester. I believed that mum heard what I said, but it was clearly not up for discussion at the time (Do you remember that mum? Did you hear me?) This is not sarcasm. I am genuinely concerned at your level of denial. Maybe it was one for the carpet.
Five years ago I was raped. It wasn’t a violent rape, but he knew his advances were not welcome and yet, as it happened, I was unable to tell him to get off and leave me alone because I had no voice. I felt paralysed, unable to protect myself. I felt violated.
A few weeks later I told mum, and her advice was to ‘put it down to experience and pretend it didn’t happen’ (or do you deny saying that?). The problem was that it had happened and although I tried to learn by it and pretend it hadn’t happened (doing what I was advised, for once?) it kept rearing up and causing problems. It was partly the cause of my break down and job loss and it was partly the cause of several relationship issues. I didn’t know then, but I do know now, that all these ‘unpleasant’ episodes in my life would not have happened if I had not been molested as a child.
Would it make a difference to you if I had of been indecently abused by a stranger? Would that be easier to accept? One in four girls are sexually abused; one in six boys. The majority are abused by people who are trusted family members or who hold positions of trust (priests, youth club leaders etc).
As the years of my life unfolded I began to question why me? Why did I attract men who I thought were the best people on earth, only later to fall victim to their emotional blackmail, sexual abusiveness, or manipulative behaviour? I eventually realised that the common denominator in these relationships was ME. It was like I’d lived with a sign on my head saying ‘I’m a soft touch, I’ll fall for your charm and your lies, you can abuse me and I won’t say a word’.
Yes dad, maybe I was born soft, and all the more reason to protect me or help me develop a voice.
So, where did that learned behaviour come from? Idolising someone, and then allowing myself to be blackmailed, abused or manipulated by them. I don’t believe for a moment that it was from my mum or my dad.
I remember that about 10 years ago, I told my friend that I felt that I had been abused as a child, but that I had no memory of it and no memory of who. At least twice over the last few years I’ve asked mum ‘could I have been abused as a child?’ Her reply was ‘definitely not’. There is probably nothing to read into that answer, but I do find it strange that you never asked ‘Why do you ask that? Where has that question come from?’ Maybe that’s another one under the carpet.
I certainly have very clear memories now, of what, where and who.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you for what happened when I was a toddler. I believe you knew nothing about it. I believe, just like with Rolf Harris, everyone saw the placid, generous, loving man that Granddad was. Maybe only I ever witnessed his darker side. Maybe there were others. Maybe they haven’t found their voices yet.
What I am so angry about now is that I feel blamed and punished for ‘bringing this unpleasantness’ into your lives. You, like all us parents, did the best that you could for your children at any given time (and I am grateful for everything you have done for me – emotionally, physically and financially). But, all the good you have done, does not excuse your current attitude. Now is the time to heal the damage that was unknowingly caused more than 40 years ago. It is time that you both, as the educated parents you are now, with the wisdom, knowledge and experience that you have now, reconsider your dated attitude.
I need you to acknowledge that your attitude is no longer healthy or correct. That hiding unpleasant things under the carpet does not make them go away. I need you to hug me and sincerely say: ‘It’s ok. We understand. We are sorry that it happened to you, but we didn’t know it was happening. We don’t blame you.”
Of course you are well within your rights to stick to your beliefs, just as I can have my opinion. I believe I was right to tell you about granddad, and I believe your unacceptance speaks volumes.
It’s unfortunate, but the world is a scary place. It may feel safe living in a bubble of all things pleasant and not letting unpleasantness in, but that’s not reality. I was once told, when I was a teenager: ‘You are my daughter. I will always love you, but I don’t like you very much at the moment’. That is how I feel at the moment. You are my parents. I will always love you, but I don’t like you very much at the moment. Please excuse me if I keep my distance.
With love

Helen Posted on September 13, 2014

Tears are rolling down my cheeks reading these comments….such sad experiences. But such powerful words of encouragement too. I’m sure nothing can ever remove the pain and memories. I can only say what a fantastic support network SIT is providing.
Keep strong and keep going don’t let the bastards take that strength and as commented below not just a survivors but as THRIVER’S!

ANON Posted on August 4, 2014

When I first went to SIT. I was at my low ebb. Confidence was shattered, Physically, Mentally and Just felt I had to speak as I was being eaten up inside and felt I was so alone and Isolated. I have made friends with other survivors and my councillor has been great. I go to the groups to do things that I never got to do growing up from childhood. now I have been painting and little bits of art and letting my inner child out. This feels great. Thank to all at SIT.

Annon Posted on October 1, 2013

Poem – anonymous,
you were there (family)
in my parents parenting……you were there
in my family relationships……you were there
in their decisions……..you were there
in their mistakes…….you were there
in thier risk takin behavior/actions……you were there
in their love….you were there
in their adictions….you were there
in their haterd of me …..you were there
in their stories ……you were their
in their lies…..you were there
in their comments….you were there
in every slap they gave….you were there
in every punch they gave….you were there
when their children where sold for sex…..you were there
before i was concived…you were there
when i was born ….you were there
every rape ….you were there
every tear…you were there
every hug i ever recived….you were there
every room i have ever entered….you were there
at 6 screaming for my mum as sex was sooo painful…you were there grining and loving what you done…you were there
in every flashback….you were there
when they lived there lives for themselves……you were there
in every dream….you were there
in every holiday…you were there
days out….you were there
in the childrens homes….you were there
in the foster home….you were there
every smile…you were there
every normal intimate time…you were there
in every drug i every took…you were there
in every areosol can i took…..you were there
every overdose i took…you were there
every cut i ever done to my self…..you were there
in every emotion …you were there
in the bathroom…you were there
out in my car…you were there
in every drink…you were there
in every relationship ……you were there
when my children were concived…you were there
during my pregnancys….you were there
while pregnant and they kicked…..you were there
in labour….you were there
in their childhoods …you were there
in my self hatered…you were there
in my eating….you were there
in my room…….you were there
in my furture….your not gonna be here, im searching for what you took…and thats me….i always promised myself when you died i would piss on your grave, but wouldnt give you the satisfaction of seeing my c*nt again
i promsie myself to love myself to enjoy what i have and eat sensible and enjoy excersie because you dont deserve me anymore. and i will find what you took from me…me

Poem - anonymous (M) Posted on March 11, 2013

Just a lovely place to be me, knowing in surrounded by others who understand yet i don’t have to say a word!! I have met some lovely girls and the strength we amass between us is enough to fight any battle…x

Anonymous Posted on December 1, 2012

I have been helped greatly by my contact with sit . I am hoping there will be a group for partners soon as the impact on any relationship is huge.My patner is very understanding and very supporting.

Lisa Posted on November 10, 2012

Meditation for Beginners
1. Choose a comfortable environment. Find a nice, quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for fifteen minutes or longer. Sit down, relax and rest your hands on your lap. You can sit on the floor cross-legged with the support of a meditation cushion, or on any chair with your feet resting on the ground. It’s not necessary to force yourself into a lotus position if you’re not used to it.
Regardless of how you sit, it’s important to maintain the natural curve of your back. That means no slouching forward or leaning backward — either of which can strain and hurt your back. People with chronic back problem may find a kneeling meditation bench useful, especially for prolonged meditation.
2. Breathe slowly and deeply. Close your eyes softly. Begin by taking a few slow and deep breaths — inhaling with your nose and exhaling from your mouth. Don’t force your breathing. Let it come naturally. The first few intakes of air are likely to be shallow, but as you allow more air to fill your lungs each time, your breaths will gradually become deeper and fuller. Take as long as you need to breathe slowly and deeply.
3. Be aware. As you are breathing deeper, you’ll begin to feel calmer and more relaxed, Focus on your breathing. Be aware of each breath that you take in through your nose, exhale with your mouth. Continue focusing on your breathing for as long as you like.
If you find your attention straying away from your breaths, just gently bring it back. Don’t be disheartened. Realize that you’ve wandered and bring your attention back to where it should be.
4. Ending the session. When you are ready to end the session, open your eyes and stand up slowly. Stretch yourself and extend your increased awareness to your next activities. Well done! You’ve done it!

Meditation for beginners - thanks 'J', hope this is of use Posted on January 17, 2012

“No arsenal, or no weapons in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.” – Ronald Reagan

Esta Posted on January 1, 2012

Very interesting topic , thankyou for putting up. “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” by Mark Twain.

Mel Towler Posted on December 17, 2011

“The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.” ~ Anais Nin

Les Risser Posted on September 24, 2011

I have been helped greatly by my contact with sit (as a partner of a survivor). I am hoping there will be a group for partners soon as the impact on any relationship is huge. I hope my partner will be in the right place to contact sit soon too – he desperately needs the experienced and friendly care I know they can provide.

Nikki Posted on July 5, 2011

Being going to SIT for about 8 weeks now, when i first walked through the door it was a relief that i was not alone anymore I cried with relief, for so many years, i have been so alone, but not no more. Since the day that I’d walked through the door i have faced challanges and i have over come every single one, I have so much support around me and whilst at SIT having a coffee i can switch off and be me. I have cried at Sit and laughed, I know if i having a crap day someone is at the end of the phone. I can’t thank Sit enough for there support and love and encourage to face my fears of court and celebraating in the result of him going to Jail. over the last fews weeks and now i can smile again, and the only tears i cried are happy ones. I feel free alast!!xxx

Penny Posted on June 29, 2011

Happy fucking fathers day……..
I feel so sick today, a tight ball of nausea in my rib cage that wont shift and this incredulous hunger that cannot be satisfied, I cant make sense of things and I keep having weird flashbacks – like photos of brief moments in my life – they flash before me and go, each one makes the ball in my solar plexis grow and tighten, suffocating me and I cant seem to catch my breath.I need to get this awful memory from my mind and this is the only place I feel I can put it safely. I was about 11, we went to visit my grandparents who lived in a town 5 hours away, my parents were divorced and it was our week end with Dad and he was taking us to his parents. They had like a small cottage on their property where we would be sleeping. The had only recently moved to this house – and weirdly I cant remember actually going into the house, I remember the verandah and garden and the cottage but not the inside of the house. My grandmother was an evil bitch of a woman – amazing in many ways I suppose but a real cow. I can imagine her saying we were not allowed to go in the house. On Saturday afternoon everyone went for a ‘rest’. My father said to me to take my younger sister (she would have been about 7) to the shops and buy some sweets. I did not even know where the shops were. He pointed to a railway track and told us to follow that and we would find them. My older sister (13) was to stay behind. Lil sis and I walked for what seemed like forever, got to the shops, chose sweets and ambled back, in silence, not eating the sweets, feeling sick, knowing what was going on back at the ‘cottage’. We got back and walked in the cottage. My big sis was lying naked on the bed, my father, also naked, was knelt between her legs – enough detail. He screamed at us to get the fuck out. But I stood mesmerised by my sisters eyes, so full of shame, so full of fear, so full of pain. I retreated out the room and lil sis and I sat on the step waiting for him to finish. When he was done we all got to pretend everything was normal and that we had not seen anything – we got to share sweets with big sis – I think we gave her them all. It was worse than when he did that to me, my biggest fear was always that someone would see me naked, see him doing those things to me, so to see my sis like that must have been the worst thing ever for her – far worse than the abuse – it still haunts me.I wonder if it still haunts her? I have given up berating myself for not stopping him – I was a child. But I still see that day, vividly, I still smell it. I love you big sis xxx I know today must have been hell for you also – I wonder how you coped, I know we will never ask each other, we will just bumble on through avoiding the painful memories – and we wonder why we end up crying and clinging to each other when we get to see each other – tied by bonds no-one could ever understand xxx

I know that by tomorrow the knot will be gone and these feelings will pass because I am more than a survivor, I am a thriver x

Anon Posted on June 19, 2011

There is some very moving and beautiful poetry on this site, sharing through verse has helped me start to understand that I am still being brainwashed long after the perpetrator has died and I need to be strong and break the cylce of negativety in order to move forward. Thank you to everyone who has shared their innermost feelings, it does help. x

Anonymous Posted on May 25, 2011

I would like to thank you so much for putting me in touch with xx (counsellor). XX was fab. She listened to everything and her questions were hard for me to answer but she has a lovely calming effect and always reassured me I was safe. XX was easy to talk to and I felt very comfortable to let it all out!! I went to see her at the begining of the week for a couple of sessions and I was totally amazed at how different and how quickly things have changed. We worked through so many issues and though sad I know I can move forward by myself and with the support of those who have always been there and I’ve just not known!! I didn’t ever want to know what the abuse was and who did it. I know the person is dead and cannot hurt me or anyone else every again. The sadness in my chest has gone. I know I can do all the things I stopped myself from doing. I am for the first time at 32 looking forward to a future and be an active member of society. I can now look back on those scarey times and know they cannot hurt me. I cannot and will never be able to thank you enough for all the wonderful work you have done for me. I will always be greatful and will remember you with fondness

Survivors In Transition Posted on May 4, 2011

really nice web site its nice to see you have included men too fantastic x x x x x

A friend of jayne stern Posted on April 7, 2011

The men’s sessions at Dickens Road road will begin on Tuesday 3rd May from 6-8pm – please spread the word. All male survivors welcome to a revolutionary service in Ipswich. Safe, confidential, anonymous.

Survivors In Transition Posted on April 6, 2011

i went to sit today, i was made to feel very welcome and i left feeling much better

Survivors In Transition Posted on April 6, 2011

I have visited the drop in centre twice but am just at the beginning of revisiting my abuse (over 30yrs ago).I found the volunteers friendly but am not yet ready to be so open about my experiences.I have counselling at the hospital starting soon and maybe if I can learn to forgive myself and learn to like myself I will be able to return to the centre. Good Luck to you all and I hope you help many people.x

Anonymous Posted on March 6, 2011

Our Sessions - We offer a number of facilitated group and drop in sessions throughout the week as well as 1:1 counselling - please email for more details.

Monday

 

Tuesday

 

Wednesday

 

Thursday

 

Friday

Open 9-5

Phone support available 9.30am to 4pm

11am to 1pm “Evolve Women’s Session” @ 84 Fore Street

Structured, facilitated group session for women – by referral

 

 

 

Office open 9-5

9.30am to 4pm phone support available

10am-1pm “First Steps” @ 84 Fore Street

Welcoming open session for men or women coming to SiT for the first time. Feel free to drop by without an appointment and speak with one of our support workers or get more information about how we can support you.

10.30-12 Off The Shelf Book Club @ Bicycle Cafe (Meet at 10am)

A gentle welcoming safe space to come and share books, read and be read to. No referral necessary

 

 

 

 

Office open 9-5

9.30am to 4pm Phone support available

Hold fast groups by referral

 

 

Office open 9-5

9.30am to 4.00pm Phone support available

WISH group for women by referral

 

9-5 Office open

10-12 Phone support available

10.30-12 SiT Cafe

Monthly (last Friday in each month) drop in cafe for SiT clients and their partners, carers and family members. Hot & cold drinks & snacks available to purchase.